


Reacting to Change

by MegsChaos



Series: The More Things Change [2]
Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: Friendship, Gallavich, Gap Filler, Gap Filling My Own Story, Gen, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Slice of Life, Texting, The Chin
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-12
Updated: 2017-10-12
Packaged: 2019-01-16 15:19:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,491
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12345288
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MegsChaos/pseuds/MegsChaos
Summary: This is the gap filler between the prologue and chapter one from Mickey's point of view.  When Ian stays and he has to deal with the aftermath of his marriage and trying to rebuild what he and Ian had - when he had no idea how it had been built in the first place...





	Reacting to Change

~*~ **** _In the beginning_ ~*~

 

_I didn’t come here for you._

If Ian Gallagher thought he didn’t have regrets - Mickey thought the other man was crazy. Mickey had regrets - and not the ones that Ian would think. He regretted not just letting Ian go to work that morning. He regretted that his father seemed to have messed up at least four lives with one phone call. He regretted that he couldn’t make himself care about his child - at least not the way he wanted to. He was full of regret - and had no outlet for any of it. Because it seemed that while Mickey had once been ‘done, done, done’ - getting married had put Gallagher out of commission.

_I didn’t come here for you._

Yeah, for all his youthfulness, for his grins and snark - Gallagher could hurt. If he had felt like this with the ‘warm mouth’ comment - Mickey wasn’t sure why he was still upright because Mickey had wanted to kill Gallagher in that moment. But - Ian did have the ability to hurt a person. Because seeing _his_ Gallagher that day had given Mickey a flicker of hope. Ian was there - he had shown up. Maybe they could work with this whole mess out and get back to what made sense.

Ian inside of him. Surrounding him. Making this whole thing less shitty. But he hadn’t. He had come to say good bye. To Mandy. Not to him. If he had been out working with Iggy he wouldn’t have seen him. If Mandy hadn’t talked him out it it…..

_I didn’t come here for you._

He would have had that shattered look as his mental image of Gallagher. No he would have one of him trying so hard to remain indifferent. To keep the facade in place. The facade of the man that was married to a woman he was currently pimping out. That he was adjusting to family life. That wasn’t - having issues - with the man his sister was moving out with. The redheaded moron his sister had befriended and then stole back from him.Not that Ian - not that GALLAGHER - had been his. He didn’t need that bitch.

_I didn’t come here for you._

Fuck that man - sideways and without lube.

Fuck him for making Mickey jealous of his own sister. Fuck him for making him want things. And for not reading between the lines. Fuck him for not realizing that Mickey had been - and was still trying to keep his ass in one fucking peice and that being a Milkovich guy was different than being Mandy. 

~*~ **_Three Weeks After Ian Chose to Stay_** ~*~

Mickey had known what the hell he was doing. He wasn’t going to admit that to a soul - but he knew _exactly_ what he was doing. He was curious just what an Ian without him was like. What did people who didn’t make him go all silent and stony faced get these days with the Gallagher? So when he had heard Mandy confirming that yes she would meet him in Boystown because she owed him a night of drinking where he had a better shot at getting some. He had made a mental note. Not that he was going to say or do anything - because he wasn’t. Gallagher didn’t want to work this shit out? Fine. That just just fucking fine.

It didn’t bother him when the taller man had shown up in tight , dark wash jeans, a shirt that just barely fit and a leather jacket over it. Hell, it hadn’t _bothered_ him when even some of the whores that were there hanging out with Svetlana had eyed him with more than just mild interest. His hair was gelled. His grin for everyone else was easy and that laugh that Mandy got out of him - fuck her for that shit. But he was fine. **_FINE._**

He had been fine still when 45 minutes later he was on his way out the door to ‘meet up’ with some ‘connections’. Iggy had shot him a look that clearly said ‘bullshit’ but he had kept his mouth shut and just rolled his eyes at his brother. Mickey wasn’t sure if he thought he was following them to check on Mandy or if he knew he was going to check on Ian. Because evidently that is just the shit he did. 

It had taken him three clubs to find them at ‘Mixed Signals’. It had taken him less than five minutes to find them on the dance floor. Mandy was holding a bottle of beer and dancing with Ian and some blonde chick. And behind Ian was some fucking moron. A blonde one with his hands on Ian’s hips and the brunet wasn’t sure just where he thought he was going with his hands, but he smirked a bit when Ian rebuffed just how free he was being with those touches. Mickey made himself take a deep breath and he headed up to the catwalk over the dance floor and watched. 

He watched Ian flirt. He watched him laugh and tease. But he noticed something that gave a little bit of life to the hope he tried to deny he had. Ian didn’t seem all that into anyone. He made out with a few, he danced with a lot of them. Mickey found himself more annoyed with the kissing than anything else. He knew how good those Gallagher kisses could be and they were supposed to be his fuck you very much.

Ian stepped outside to smoke and Mickey left at the same time. He stood in the alley and watched the redhead take a drag and then their eyes met. It had taken three strides to be shoved against the wall by his Gallagher

“Fuck you Mickey.” He could smell the beer and whiskey from the boilermakers on Ian’s breath and fuck if that didn’t make him want to kiss him more, “Fuck you for making this so damn hard.”

“Makin’ somethin’ hard am I?” Dark brows rose as a smirk teased his lips, “Do fuckin’ tell.”

And then there was no talking. There was kissing and Mickey feeling like he could breathe for the first time since just before he got married. Hands were grabbing and pulling each other closer. And then something happened that he had no fucking control over. 

His phone started to ring. And ring and ring till finally Ian pulled back and Mickey had never wanted to kill someone more than whoever was on the other end of his damned phone. He had been enjoying himself, growing into the phone, “What the fuck do you want?!”

Ian was breathing hard over him and all he wanted to do was kiss him, but of all the people on the other end of the phone it had to be her. Ian had to be close enough to hear her. And the shorter man could almost feel the ice water as it came down over his make out partner. If it hadn’t been for the hand Mickey had on Ian’s shirt the other man would have been gone - and that was not what he wanted. He wanted Ian to stay right where he was and go back to doing what he had been doing. A look at him while he tried to get his wife off the phone though - was telling him the chances of that happening were slim and none.

But fuck if he didn’t want to be wrong.

Hanging up after promising to see to a few things, he looked at Ian and tried to pull him back into a kiss, only to be shoved away.

“Fuck Mickey….No. Just….no.”

“She’s out fucking dudes…..why can’t I?”

“You can. There is a club of guys in there Mick - and they will be more than happy to pound your ass into oblivion. But….” Ian ran his fingers through his hair, “Fuck, I can’t do this. Not with you - not with you being married….” 

“It’s just a piece of paper.” Mickey said trying that angle again, it hadn’t worked on his wedding day and he doubted it was going to work today. But fuck if he wasn’t going to try.

“No..I am not just some piece of ass on the side Mick. Been there and done that shit.”

And blue eyes watched again as Ian walked away.

 

~*~ **_Three Months After Ian Stayed..._** ~*~

There was something going on in his kitchen and he wasn’t sure what the hell it was. But it was loud as balls and he was tired. Stumbling out of the bedroom, he stopped dead in his tracks and blinked. He wasn’t sure what the hell was going on but it involved Mandy and a very annoyed Iggy - cleaning the kitchen and dining room. He grabbed a box of smokes and watched them for a bit before finally speaking up.

“Do I even wanna know the fuck you two dipshits are up to?”

Iggy flipped him off, “Princess Bitch over here woke up with a hair up her ass this morning and couldn’t wake you up - “

“He made money yesterday. You were a lazy fuckhead.”

Waving his sister’s commentary off, Iggy kept talking to Mickey and ignoring her, “So she is making me help her clean this shit up.”

Mandy glared at Iggy and punched him in the upper arm, “Listen - I am not gonna go and get groceries with this week’s paycheck and not have a place to fucking put them. So take the garbage out before I throw you out with it.”

Watching their fair haired brother lug two full bags out of the house, Mickey turned to Mandy and gave her a confused look, “Since when the fuck do you care - and when do you buy groceries?”

“Since I have a job jackass, and since I thought it would be something NICE to do.” Mandy flipped him off, her cheeks flushing, “You are gettin’ ready for your spawn, Dad’s locked up because there a god out there that doesn’t hate us and….” She shrugged, “It’s what you do right?”

“You been at Gallagher’s too damn much. We ain’t them Mands. Not that I will turn down free groceries, or you know, cleaning….but what else is going on…..”

Mandy leaned against the cleared off counter and sighed, “Nothing - for real. I just….you are having a BABY Mick. Just cause we grew up in a shit hole doesn’t mean that your kid needs to right?” She looked up at him, “I just thought….”

He moved closer and bumped her shoulder, holding out his pack of smokes, “You fucking give a shit? Really?”

Mandy bumped his shoulder back, “Yeah, I do. It’s not the baby’s fault for any of this fucking shit show.”

So that day Mickey discovered quite a few things about his house. One - the vacuum did work it just needed a new bag thing. Two - his wife could fill in bullet holes in walls with the best of them. Three - Iggy should never be allowed to chose cleaning music. Fourth - there was a lot more room once they got rid of everything that was never going to be repaired and was broken. Fifth - that Ian had left a hoodie behind one time and it still smelled like him. So instead of throwing it into the ever growing laundry pile he had tossed it onto his side of his bed. And Sixth - maybe Mandy had a fucking point about some of this shit. 

Late that night though, he was in boxers and a tank top under Ian’s hoodie and having a smoke in the dining room. He watched as his wife got ready for work and he felt nothing positive about or for her. Which was odd to him because there was normally a sense of rage when she was around. Because she had been there that day. And now she was here every day and Ian wasn’t and that night with him had been great. And so had their other nights - but that one - it had been like what…

He took a long, slow drag on his cigarette and was looking down at the glowing tip and missed the look Svetlana gave him. It wasn’t one full of antagonism. Or snark. It was curious and puzzled.

“I go now.”

“Great.”

The door closed behind her. Mandy was out on a date and Iggy was out doing whatever it was he did when he wasn’t dealing. The house was quiet and there were no distraction to keep him from thinking things.

_”If she’s gonna be out fuckin’ dudes, why can’t I?”_

He pulled out his cell phone and scrolled through the contacts till his eyes landed on one ‘Gallagher.’. He wasn’t going to call him like some little bitch. He had pride and dignity. He had nothing to stop him. Tapping on the name he pulled up the text screen.

[](https://imgur.com/enlF6z6)

[](https://imgur.com/qtyIA5i)

[](https://imgur.com/1RQ86RL)

[](https://imgur.com/mDY9Hw9)

[](https://imgur.com/uTjy1Mt)

[](https://imgur.com/V73zsVk)

Getting back into a pair of cleaner jeans, swapping Ian’s sweatshirt for one of his and grabbing his wallet, Mickey was on his way out of the house. He needed to not be here and have the silence closing in on him. And even if he just hung out with Gallagher and drank beer and shit - it was better than nothing right?

~*~ **_Four Weeks After Ian Chose to Stay_** ~*~

Ian wasn’t moving. According to Mandy he hadn’t in days. Literally, he had shown up to see Lip and Kev _carrying_ the red head out of the house and to the car. He didn’t know what to say or do. They had been getting to a good place where they could have conversation without booze and with their clothes on. And now…

It was four days till he saw Mandy again and his sister was quiet. 

“So - where is your shadow?”

She looked up at him and sighed, “Mick - he’s…..” her lip trembled, “He’s sick.”

“Like pneumonia or cancer or what the hell?:”

“Bipolar they think like his mom.”

Mickey had met Monica a few times - and had seen her aftermath. That wasn’t Ian. Ian was steady and strong. He was a support system. He…. Mickey pinched the bridge of his nose and shook his head, “So?”

“So they have him in a psych ward. They locked him up.” She clenched her fist, “And I go whenever I can, but Mick he’s so quiet.” her eyes locked on him, “And you know what a quiet Ian Gallagher is?”

“No clue - I didn’t think it existed.”

“Me either. But I can tell you this - it’s creepy as hell.”

The two siblings sat in silence.- one worried about her best friend and the other one worried about the one guy he couldn’t seem to get over.

~*~ **_Five Months After Ian Chose to Stay_** ~*~

Mickey hadn’t seen Ian in a month. He hadn’t felt right visiting him in the hospital. He hadn’t felt right seeing him after - because he hadn’t seen him in the hospital. What was he supposed to say? “Sorry you went crazy?’ But he wasn’t. He was out He was taking his meds (according to Mandy and a very chatty Deb he had run into outside the Alibi.) He had stumbled a bit - not liking the meds and their side effects - but he had lost it and scared Liam and Debbie. And he had gone back in.

Now here he was with Mandy and Debbie - his siblings couldn’t get their hands on a car - picking him him from his second round in the psych ward. He looked even more pale if that was possible and tired. Mickey bit his bottom lip and watched as he all but collapsed into the car. Catching his eyes in the rearview mirror Ian sighed and flipped him off.

So maybe Ian was still in there…

~*~ **_Five and a Half Months After Ian Chose to Stay_** ~*~

His son was born. His name was Yevgeny Alexsander Milkovich. He was a week and a half old.

Mickey couldn’t even look at him. He couldn’t touch him. If he tried - it never ended well. And this was not sitting well with his wife. Because what father couldn’t even TRY to hold their son? But when he thought of Yevgeny he got lost in that day.

_Ian wanting to go to work and Mickey being selfish and wanting one more round - one more time. Couples had sex during the day - in a house with heating and not always in the back of a store. Why couldn’t they have this moment…._

_Because he was a Milkovich._

_He would hear Terry come in - he would feel Ian move to block his dad and then hear the blow to Ian. He would feel the terror and rage….his fists landing….the gun as it struck him. The click of the safety going off as the gun pointed at Ian. The confusion and then detachment on Svetlana’s face when she arrived._

All of that from just trying to be there. Then there were the nightmares - Ian dying. Both of them dying. Mandy walking in and his dad just taking care of all three of his issues. So he not only couldn’t hold his son, but he couldn’t sleep in his bed because he wasn't sleeping and as much as he wanted to be indifferent to his wife - it seemed cruel to keep her awake with his shit when she had a baby. So he would sit on the couch and watch shitty television and play video games 

He also looked at his phone a lot because he and Ian had been texting and talking and now there was silence and it sucked. But there was this chasm now - and he couldn’t find the bridge to get over it. And he wanted to. So he did the logical thing.

He pulled up Ian’s name, glared at it and when nothing happened, he threw the phone to the other side of the couch and when back to his game.Then the next time he died he picked up the phone again, growled and opened up the messenger.

[](https://imgur.com/autKWKg)

[](https://imgur.com/Lz3R8jC)

[](https://imgur.com/1RQ86RL)

[ ](https://imgur.com/ihtzz8n)

_Not a Mistress Milkovich_

He didn’t want a mistress - he just wanted his fucking friend back. The only thing was - he was pretty sure he had used him his ‘get out of jail free’ cards with the ‘warm mouth comment and he wasn’t entirely sure what her had done previously to get the guy to like him. So he was fucked.

And fuck the redhead.

~*~ **_Six Months After Ian Chose to Stay_** ~*~

Mickey found the bar where Ian had been bartending. It was a decent-ish place on the edge of the Southside. Enough Northerners to make the tips worth working the shitty ass hours according to his sister. Because fuck if he couldn’t get more than a few words at a time out of Ian these days. But he had scoped the place out when Ian wasn’t there working and it seemed alright. If it hadn’t of been - he wasn’t sure what he would have done. But with the other man already not talking to him - what else could he have done really?

The little voice in the back of his mind was all too happy to remind him that Ian could leave. And he was all too happy to tell that voice to go fuck itself.

But working nights bartending - Mickey was surprised to walk into the house and see Ian standing there talking with Svetlana, holding the baby, and for once the kid wasn’t crying. He didn’t say anything and just listened for minute.

“...yeah Carl was like this - and that stuff I just made - it will work better than the cheap rash shit and since you have it all…”

His wife sounded exhausted as she spoke, “I - thank you.”

Ian rolled his eyes, “Not gonna let Mandy’s nephew be miserable. She is running late for lunch - if you have a bottle I can feed him so you can shower.”

Svetlana blinked and tilted her head, “Why?”

“Because you reek and babies who fuss don’t let the older people in their world shower. Debbie and Carl both had ear infections - I think I spent more time holding them while standing up than anything else for like three months.” Ian grinned - but it was strained and Mickey bit his lip - annoyed that even this watered down version of that fucking smile wasn’t aimed at him but at his FUCKING bitch of a wife.

“You are strange Orange Boy.”

Ian took the bottle she handed him and put on a shocked face, “You mean I am not a string of rapid fire Russian anymore?”

Svetlana rolled her eyes and headed for the shower, “I can still call you a good, for nothing, cock sucking bastard if you want Orange Boy.”

“Nope, I will be fruit instead. Fruit is good.”

He met Svetlana’s eyes as she went to shower and she smirked at him.

~~

Later that night he walked into the bar as Ian was working and ordered a beer. He sat off to the side and just watched him. He laughed and teased. He was pretty okay for a place like this. There was this asian looking guy at the end of the bar that kept trying to buy Ian a drink and Ian kept turning him down. But his eyes would linger on him for a bit when he did and Mickey wanted to storm over there and ask just what the fuck - but he stayed put.

And at three am when Ian left, Mickey was right outisde the back door. THey looked at each other and Mickey said softly, “I fucking hate you for this shit.”

“What did I do? We haven’t done anything or interacted really since my second round in the loony bin. What the fuck did I do?”

Mickey didn’t know how to SAY it - so he just moved in and kissed Ian. He slid his lips over the more chapped versions and pulled him in closer, “Fuck you .” He said against Ian’s lips. And felt the other man pull him back into a hungrier version of his kiss.

It took them ten minutes to get to the point of no return - and the only reason that it took so damn long was they kept stopping and just looking at the other one - like this moment was going to end. And it did.

With Mickey hitting his knees in the alley behind the bar and wrapping his lips around Ian’s cock, the long, pale, freckled fingers lost in his dark hair. His hands on those narrow hips and holding them against the outside of the bar. The sounds Ian was making, of his mouth as it moved, when his tongue found the vein on the underside of the long cock and stroked it - all that was lost in the dull roar of a Chicago early morning. Making himself look up and in the shadows of the early morning icy blue locked with glowing green and they couldn’t look away. The closer Ian got, the sloppier sounding Mickey’s mouth got and the harder the older man got at the look and sound and feel of the man he...craved? Needed? Loved? He wasn’t sure still - but fucking hell if this didn’t feel fucking right.

It felt even better as he swallowed as Ian’s fell apart over him and those fingers clenched in his hair. Mickey smirked as he pulled back and before he could make a comment - he was pulled to his feet and his mouth was being devoured and all words left his mind. He had no words when Ian flagged a cab and they were at a motel. He had limited words when they fell onto the bed, nothing but hands and mouths and fire. He had plenty when Ian rimmed him in that slow and teasing way that made him tremble like a little bitch. His tongue rolling inside of his ass and making him whimper in that way that was so blatantly needy that he would have kicked the crap out of himself if Ian hadn’t just repeated the motion and his brain overheated.

But he had only one when he woke up in the morning to a cooling cup of coffee, two of his favorite donuts from Dunkin, and alone in the room other than a note of:

_Mick, couldn’t wake you without a repeat. Fuck leaving was hard (and so was I). Breakfast on me._

_~Ian_

_PS - They were out of the ones with the sprinkles - get over it. You aren’t five. And no I didn’t leave you any munchkins - those are mine bitch._

Micke grinned to himself as he took a bite of the donut - it would have been better with sprinkles and looked at the side of the bed Ian had been on and sighed, pinching the bidge of his nose. He wasn’t sure what the fuck was happening. But damn if he didn’t want to find out. He had gotten past ‘The Chin’ phase. Maybe he could get back to where he got more than a word at a time out of Gallagher.

Maybe.

 

~*~ **_Seven Months After Ian Chose to Stay_** ~*~

Things had been good. Ian had been hanging out with Mandy at the house. He had been talking with Mickey, snarking with Svet and spoiling Yevgeny like he did any small child in his orbit. Things had been good - which is why Mickey shouldn’t have been surprised when reality caught up to him.

Reality in the form of his father. Or rather a job that he had promised his father he would take care of. It was a run and it wasn’t the best idea in the fucking world. But he wasn’t going to piss Terry off when Colin was due to get out soon and Mickey didn’t want that fucker showing up to do more damage. He wasn’t sure if it was the run, the fact it was a Terry ordered run or the fact that it was going to fall on weekend when Ian didn’t have to work. Or a combination. He literally would have blamed Terry for everything. He was the instigator of a lot of the shady ass shit in Mickey’s world.

But somehow between leaving for the run and coming back with more bruises than when he left - he and Ian had taken more than a few steps back in how things were going for them. Ian went off on him for going on the run when his gut had told him not to. About getting hurt. Which were signs that he cared. Which Mickey saw in hindsight. In the moment it had made him tell Ian that it wasn’t any of his damned concern anyway - why the fuck did he care?

Mickey had the worst timing for inserting his foot into his mouth. And watched as any progress they had been making came to a screeching halt.


End file.
